OCD itu apa?
Ini dari google:
Gangguan obsesif kompulsif atau yang lebih sering dikenal dengan singkatan OCD adalah kelainan psikologis yang menyebabkan seseorang memiliki pikiran obsesif dan perilaku yang bersifat kompulsif. Kelainan ini ditandai dengan pikiran dan ketakutan tidak masuk akal (obsesi) yang dapat menyebabkan perilaku repetitif (kompulsi). Misalnya, orang yang merasa harus memeriksa pintu dan jendela lebih dari tiga kali sebelum meninggalkan rumahnya.
(Baca prolog-ku diatas aku gemes sendiri kok gapinter banget bikin prolog. yah gitulah intinya -_-)
Saran:
Sambil ngeplay videonya, baca puisinya. Soalnya pasti nggak kedengaran dia ngomong apa aja. Abis dengerin, play lagi videonya sambil ngeliatin orangnya. The feeeeeeels will hit you hard.
The first time I saw her
everything in my head went quiet.
All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.
When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments.
Even in bed, I’m thinking:
Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips
or the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek.
I knew I had to talk to her.
I asked her out six times in thirty seconds.
She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going.
On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating, or fucking talking to her
But she loved it.
She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday.
She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk!
When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times.
I’d always watch her mouth when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked
when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges.
At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off.
She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were just passing in front of her.
But some morning, I started kissing her goodbye but then she’d just leave because I was making her late for work.
When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking
When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line
She told me I was taking up too much of her time
Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place.
She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but,
How can it be a mistake when I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her?
Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t.
I can’t go out and find someone new
Because I always think of her.
Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin.
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel
How she turns shower knobs like she opening a safe.
How she blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out—
Now, I just think about who else is kissing her.
I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once—he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!
I want her back so bad,
I leave the door unlocked –
I leave the lights on.
Wait. Gimme a second to recontain my life.
Uhm.
Okay.
Gapengen bahas lebih lanjut, pilihan diksi, atau nada bicara, atau cara dia menyampaikan, atau perih di matanya, yang nonton pasti bisa lihat.
Dan aku jadi inget sama saudara sepupuku. Dia pengidap sindrom asperger dari kecil.
Sindrom Asperger (bahasa Inggris: Asperger syndrome, Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's disorder, Asperger's atau AS) adalah salah satu gejala autisme di mana para penderitanya memiliki kesulitan dalam berkomunikasi dengan lingkungannya, sehingga kurang begitu diterima. Sindrom Asperger dibedakan dengan gejala autisme lainnya dilihat dari kemampuan linguistik dan kognitif para penderitanya yang relatif tidak mengalami penurunan, bahkan dengan IQ yang relatif tinggi atau rata-rata (ini berarti sebagian besar penderita sindrom Asperger bisa hidup secara mandiri, tidak seperti autisme lainnya). Sindrom Asperger juga bukanlah sebuah penyakit mental.
Dia nggak sampai autis, cuma gejala. Dia bukan berbeda, dia cuma spesial. Dia sangat menghargai janji. Dia suka ke Malang, dan nagih terus kalau kita belum ngomong "Iya, nanti bulan Maret ke Malang ya" dan dia bakal ngulang-ulang "Ke Malang bulan Maret" dan di-count down kayak "Tiga bulan lagi kita ke Malang" sampe bener-bener Maret dan kita ketemu di Malang.
Dia juga menghargai waktu. Tiap hari jam 4 harus nyalain full house. Tiap pagi jam sekian harus mandi. Tiap malam jam sekian harus makan.
Dia menghargai rutinitas. Setiap hari kalau tidur pakai piyama. Setiap ke Malang tidurnya harus di rumahku. Setiap ke Malang sarapannya harus nasi goreng buatan mamaku.
Dan lain sebagainya. Dan lain sebagainya.
Kalo cerita dia gak ada habisnya. Singkatnya, dia sudah mulai gede. Sekarang SMP kelas 1. Ketakutanku sama mama lihat dia adalah nanti kalau dia jatuh cinta sama orang dan gak berjalan sesuai harapannya.
Semoga dia gak ngerasain apa yang dirasain Neil Hilborn.
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